TF2 Johnson keep
by kj1225
Summary: A guy and his family gets teleported to the land of tf2 only it not 2fort as it usally is it is Degroot keep. And they become its rulers. Oh and Blu are now barbarians.
1. Chapter 1

My famliy and I were at mideval times. The reason we were there was for my mom's, Kathy, birthday. My sister and I had just left the musem (of which my sister favored the tourcher devices). My mother and father were sitting on a bench waiting for us. Which led to this conversation.

"...If we were in mideval times I would be a duke." said my dad. "And cassie would probably be a sadistic princess." my sister knowing it was true said nothing except for huffing in a annoyed fashion." my dad then said "Kyle would probably be a kingly advisor or maybe a captain of the gaurd." as I asked why he said it was because I was quit and unasuming but I was not someone you wanted to get angry. I wanted to say something but I knew I had a violent angry streak so I did not arguy. And besides the show was about to start. We then went I played call of duty till about 2 o'clock worked on my story mastrubated and went to bed.

When I was asleep however I did not know I was target of a cross-demenchenal spell. Which would take and my famliy on a strange and fantastic journey.

**this is the end of chapter one. I was inspired to write this because of the fact there is almost no fanfiction set in anywhere other than 2fort. I also don't own anything other than my wooden axe. It will by the way take place in a bigger Degroot Keep**


	2. now for character introduction

I awoke to the to the feeling that some thing was not quit right. For one my bed was much more comfy. This how ever did not suprise me as much as the man with a overly long staff (and the fact he was only in his underwear). "I should probably tell you my name." he said. "Yeah that and why you are ONLY IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!" I yelled at him. He mumble somethig about a naked guy. I then rember I am in the nude. "Well you royal nakedness I have to tell you something. And that is? Welcome to your castle." he says with a folorish. And closte like something out a fantsy story apear on him. "My what? Your castle. You are now head of the gaurd owner of one of the best weapons in existance and the leader of the RED nation." And then I past out.

When I awoke for the secound time that day I notice some thing I had closte on. That was enough to make me wake up all the way. I opened my eyes my eyes to see a girl and the man from before. She was not prety in the normal sense as she had numorus scars all along her face and arms. There were also nasty burns on what I saw of her legs. When I stoped looking at (others would say I was inspecting her) I looked down to see what I was wearing It was a positivly red robe. She was wearing a set of positivly red armour it was very tight as indecated by by the fact it was like a secound skin. I then got up and said "You never did tell me your name." I said to the man who I figured to be a wizard of some type. "You may call me tim. Like the enchanter?" I asked. "No like my is Tim." The man named Tim said. "And this young lady right here will be your dragon. As in?" I asked more out of seeing if he was sane than any real reason. This time it was the woman to speak. "As in I am bound by duty to serve and protect you and act as you handmaiden. Oh... Is somthing wrong sire?" she asked as I realised that one this pretty woman was going to stay with me at all times. And two her armour was actully part of her skin and my body promptly decied now was a good time for a nap.

"I really need the sleep but not so bad that I need hurt my self." I said as I woke up. 'note to self tell other me to stop ending paragraphs like that.' I said as I looked at me. I looked around to see the armoured girl in actual closte. "You are up again my lord." she said with a look of joy. I got up because the entire time I've been in bed. "My lord where you going?" the woman asked. "I am going to see the rest of my castle. By the way who and what are you." She gives me a look that clearly says that I gave my foot free logding in my mouth. It is at this time I am awake enough and cared enough to reliase that she had a irish accent. I like that. "I am a dragon." I figured as much. "And I can retract my 'armor' into my body. With the intellegence you've displayed I am shocked you have not asked about my tail." With that she turns and I see her tail. 'I have a chance to test out something.' I thought to myself. I then follow her with a large smile on my face. I get real close to her still behind her. And start to pet her tail. "S-sir ple-please stop th-that I'm realy se-sensitive there." I continue after she finished I continue to stroke a couple more times and she frezes up. Turns out my theroy was correct and what she said about it being sensitive was a under statement.

"Lets just go" I think I upset her. "Sorry I just wanted to see if it my theroy was true. I didn't mean to upset you." It was true I didn't. She looks at me and says "I forgive you just ask next time you want to 'experiment' okay." I said okay and we went to the throne room.

**I do not approve of the surprise orgasm technique.** **And most likely new chapter tomorrow.**


	3. The Flash Back

"1... 2... 3..." And so it continued as I sharpened my sword/knife/kusarigama. Very versatile. I love magic, Tim was so nice to give me it. "Note to self: give Tim a raise." He really out did himself with it. 'I'm a little surprised it doesn't make coffee.' I liked to keep it as a knife since it's easier to conceal. I remember when I got it. I could barley hold the thing let alone swing it. I started to remember the first time I used it with nostalgia.

_'Damn this thing is heavy.' I think as I train. Tavis is yelling something again. It's funny; he seemed so nice when I met him. Maybe it's because he's drunk... I think I hit the nail on the head. "OY THIS IS NOT WORKING FAST ENOUGH!" He yelled as he made me stop. "What I thought I was doing well enough." getting tired of his disapproval. "That's because your a wee babe who could not beat me drunk with me arm behind my back." He said trying to make me angry. His mistake was that it worked. "My __**dear teacher**__ I would appreciate you stopping this verbal abuse... __**before I do it my self.**__" I said keeping my voice calm and level. "Then draw your sword and do it for me!" He shouted as he drew the Eyelander. 'Eyelander increased melee range and -25 health.' I say in my head. 'And no glow so he is weak.' I think. "Well let's see about that." I say doubting my self. _"**LET'S FUDGING DO IT, MORPH: SWORD MODE!**"_I scream like a demon. My sword morphs to a claymore. _

_I was surprised either my anger made me really strong or I did get stronger from this training. "Impressive you can hold it now. Maybe you do have potential as a warrior!" He said sounding genuinely impressed. It did not matter anymore he had forced my hand gone was the forgiving nice if abrasive boy I was I had become something sinister, mean, insane, and positively horrifying! I was no longer Kyle the fair if unmovable and pigheaded Captain of the Guard. I had wanted to see blood his mine it not mattered not. I was the epitome of blood knight. I ran at him with speed not of this world. He did not have a chance. I blinked and all I saw was his blood. I was Kyle the Blood Knight no longer I Kyle the nice Captain of the Guard and all I felt was guilt. He was a good teacher to good it seemed. I looked back at him and threw up. He was cut straight through the middle I could see all his insides. And the blood ,oh god, the blood. Then I heard it that accent it was him. 'Am I insane?' I thought to myself. "The Frenchman was right it does work like a charm." I looked back. "I am insane aren't I?" I said as I gazed upon the man I supposedly killed. "No a little bit of magic helped me." He said. "Good job lad. You passed!" He yelled. THIS WAS JUST A TEST?! "You Scottish Bastard! I thought I had killed you!" I said as I ran to him and hugged him. "OY no need to hug me." He said with surprise. "No your one of my best friends and I thought I killed you." _

Did I say nostalgia, I meant fear and resentment. I had just reached 100 on the other side. Just then Ro walked in. Ro was my nickname for the Pyrotechnics Expert. He never took of never her mask so as to what gender it was I was clueless. I just called him Ro. "Mmmph mph mmph." It said. "The blues? What do they want now?" I said as I walked with Ro to the Throne room. "Mph mmph mmph mph mmmph mmph mmmmph." "The king wants to marry my sister?" I thought he had given up on that?" "Mph mph mph mph mmph." Oh the Prince, Cassie and I both hate him. I stopped walking. "Ro get Erin and set them on fire I'm done being polite." I go to the war room and start setting up defensive measures. If we are to do this and survive we need to become defensive. Erin walks in looking lovely as usual. I need to stop thinking like that she's my best friend and my servant I can't in good consistence think like that. "So how did it go?" I asked.

"It went exactly as planed mi'lord. They would not leave after your warning so we set them on fire. They have declared war on the kingdom." Perfect all according to plan. We have the resources, and the power to keep them at it for years. Or something else stops us. "Thank you, Erin. You know how I love the sound of a plan coming together." She looks down and blushes the same color of her scales. I like red such a pretty color. Stop that I can't think like that right now... Oh screw it I know she likes me and I like her so might as well see if she'll accept my love. "Erin come here please." she comes closer. I look into her eyes such a pretty green. Well now or never. "Erin, do you um... well... I... Oh fuck it." I lean in and kiss her. I start to pull away. And she says "Sir do you like me?" she asked with a smug look. "No I just felt that if we did not kiss we would all die." I say sarcastically pulling her closer. "Ahem, while 'ahm glad you finally got a girl sire ah think I see the Blu blighters." The sniper said. "Mister Mundy would you go do you job, I'll finish up and rally the troops m'kay?" He nods and walks off. "I guess we'll finish later Meine Liebe." I walk down stairs to the armory to grab my armor and weaponry. I get on the battlements and look at the approaching army. "Is the field as I said it should be Mundy?" He only sent a flaming arrow out at the ground which instantly set ablaze. "Good this is just as I wanted it." They never saw it coming till they were burning them selves. One of Sun Tzu's own tactics and it worked like a charm. "Good Job as usual. Your going to get a raise soon." I walk off to continue were I left off with Erin.

**AN: And finally the third chapter in the story. I think that went well introduced 3 characters killed and/or scattered an army all in all a pretty good day. Don't worry they'll be back. also send me a PM if you want an OC to at the get a cameo. **

**I'll need:**

**Name: **

**Gender: **

**Appearance: **

**Weapons(if applicable): **

**Powers(If applicable): **

**BYE**


	4. Well that escalated quickly

**My sister was going to write this but she decided not to. *sigh* So rorey. :(**

My god I'm so… "Bored..." said Scout. "My god I want to do something other than beat in Blu skulls for once." He's right for once. Committing atrocious acts of violence like this is boring... maybe we should let them take the castle. All of a sudden the Announcer (How does that work here?) is yelling to abandon the castle. 'Have they become mind readers?'

"Oh shit, Scout, tell everyone to evacuate." I go down to the armory and grab my other knife and leather armor along with my bow. Hehe funny thing about my bow it can change into a person, aim itself, and make coffee. Tim said he has tons of things like that from his enchanting hobby. He's so nice. He also taught me a spell. I can go to my evil form without the whole evil part being in control now. Very useful it is. I wonder where Tim went anyway. "OH SHIT, BLU!" I yell. I quickly realize that my stealth advantage was lost.

And the Blu was all like "OH SHIT, KYLE!" Weird that Blu has a really high voice. Although I like his bow... wait are those... it's a she isn't it? "Wait, you're a chick aren't you?" I say. "Ummm… YA KNOW TOO MUCH!" She yells. And she takes aim at me. 'I like her accent and she looks pretty good and OH GOD NOT THE FACE.' I think as I am killed.

"…" This is death then, I like it here. Very cloudy but comfortable and why am I falling? Oh I'm being sent to hell then… Fuck. Several minutes of falling later I'm in hell talking to Satan. "And I said oatmeal is you crazy!" This is Satan, ladies and gentlemen. He's much nicer then the Christians would lead you to think. "Satan you are so random." Said I. "So yeah, want to take my job?" He had been explaining that God said Satan could go back to heaven if he found a replacement. God has been nicer since he was all about peace and shit. Also let slip he would let Jesus take the wheel when that happened. "Sure anything I should know?" I asked "Yeah you can summon demons and bring others back from the dead." Wow I now can make a band. "And no using the powers for making music… unless it would be really cool." Satan reminds me of my dad. "Cool let's do it! Wait is this going to hurt?" I ask "Like a mother!" Satan says with excitement in his voice. "Shit…" And then I pass out from the pain of becoming immortal.

Ugh, I thought other me stopped ending paragraphs like that? "OH GOD HE'S STILL ALIVE!" Oh me not her again. "Yes I am alive again; no I'm not a zombie, and _stop yelling_. Becoming immortal hurts my everything." I say. So this is what a hangover is like. "I'm so sorry for killing ya mate." Stupid trigger happy Australian. Well more string happy. Or maybe finger happy. Eh whatever trigger happy works. "So what are you doing apologizing it's your right? Anyway… wait I feel like I'm in bondage." I say. "Yeah about that mate…"

**(Changing to Demo-Vision™)**

They took me second best mate. I need to get out of the moat and to the Justin Case. That's what Kyle would have wanted. "WAIT! We need a head count." I yell to the rest of the team. "Let's see Scout, Solly, Pyro, Me, Heavy, Engie, Medic, and Spy. We lost Mundy!" I yell, just great first Kyle now Mundy. I wonder where he is. "I do have some info you would like." The spy says. "And that is?" I ask questioning how useful the information will be. "Zey are in bondage at ze hands of the Blus." Really… "MOTHERF-"

**(Back to Kyle-Vision™)**

"-UCKER!" Well at least Tavis got out. "Who was that?" The Blu girl asks. She's quite nice. She offered to let me go if I took her as well. "Tavis. So let's go." She cuffs me and leads me to the entrance… I mean the massive fucking hole. "So how did you guys get in?" I ask sarcastically. "I can just leave you mate." I shut up at that. "So what will happen to my family?" I ask because I honestly want to know. "Well the emperor only wanted you because you decided to kill the prince… brutally" I accept that. "But your family and friends will just be kept as advisors or to do their old job." So that's that. "So Mundy is going to be the sniper now?" I ask taking the guess he's still alive. "Most likely." I point to the coastline. "We have to go there." Well still need to get to the Justine. We walk in silence for a good twenty minutes. "So where are we going?" She asks. I break the cuffs and resist the urge to rub my wrists. "That's better. Well we are going to the meeting place. Then afterwards I was thinking to start my career as a pirate… you can come if you want." I say, always wanted to be an actual pirate. Their much more honorable then fiction would lead you to believe. "Like the kidnap, rape, and pillage type?" She asks with a look of horror. "No the kidnap, smuggle, pillage, and plunder kind. Why do you ask?" She looks nervous. "Well I'm out of a job now and most likely have a price on my head." She sighs. "So think I can have a job on board?" I look at her like she's crazy. "Well I do have an opening since Mundy's Blu now." I say in a chipper voice. "Well then its settled _Mr. Johnson_." She says.

"So why did you leave my knives?" I ask while approaching the ship. The Justin Case is a beautiful sloop of war. "Well I was going to let you go either way truth be told." That makes sense. I start to laugh. "What's so funny?" She asks. Really need to get her name. "I just remembered I wanted the castle to be taken I was so bored." I say finally. "By the by what's your name?" I ask inquisitively. "It's Sienna." I like that name. "You know I'm the devil." I say looking for another topic to talk about. The servant I was romancing only wanted the throne… bitch. "I doubt it." She says chuckling. "It's true actually I can get us to the ship faster if you want." I say thinking of one of the perks of being the devil. "I suppose my feet are getting tired." Well I never was one to let a lady hurt herself. "Okay here I go." I add in a whisper. "I hope…" I grimace as I start to talk in devil tongue. "**I summon a Demon Horse to further my cause.**" I am surprised there's such thing as a Demon Horse. A horse with black coat and eyes and a mane made of flame appears. "_**Hello master.**_" It says. "_**Where dost thou wish to go master and lady Sienna?**_" It says. Still surprised Demon Horses exist I tell it to take us to the Justin. "_**So be it.**_" It talks very grimly doesn't it? We hop on it. "Wait I don't know how to-URK!" I was going to say till the horse started off reaching the destination in ten seconds flat. "Kyle were ya gonna to say something?" Sienna asks. "Yeah, but too late now!" I say getting off. We bid Demon Horse farewell and get on board.

As we get on everyone looks in shock at us. "Is that really you lad?" Tavis asks astonished that I got out. "Yes it is we can talk when this mofo is on the water!" I yell. I love the ocean, and pirates this is a dream come true! I man the helm as everyone else gets to doing something. "Umm, sir what about me?" Sienna asks. "Well Mundy was to man the crow's nest so you can do that." I say. She nods and walks to the ladder. As she starts to climb I can think only one thing. 'Dat arse!' What I may be a nice person but I get urges to. 'I want to tap dat arse.' Okay maybe I'm a bit of a pervert. But it's a Really nice butt, I mean its firm and round and jiggles just right. "Captain your drooling a little." Wait really? I reach a hand to my mouth… I'll be damned I was. "Thanks." I say still looking at Sienna climbing. "Sir we are ready for our new life of crime, sir!" The Soldier says. "Thank you Jane." I say. "WELL GET THE ANCHOR UP AND WE'LL BE GOING!" I yell. They raise the anchor. I put my hands on the wheel ready for my new life as a pirate.


	5. Taken for Granite

**NO SMISSMASS CHAPTER. OKAY. In other news the doctor wanted in to the story so the three people who care enough to comment tell me if I should. By the way the ship has karaoke for the same reason the spy's watches still work…MAGIC.**

Today it is the day we uphold the most sacred tradition we had since I got here… the bi-annual karaoke contest. Scout started off with a surprisingly good rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen with backup vocals provided by _Heavy and Medic _of all people. I am going next, singing Good Old Fashion Lover Boy also by Queen. Speaking of lovers I finally got together with Sienna. It took a while but we got to the point where it was obvious that we were into each other. And she walked into my room one night and ask me to be her boyfriend/lover/employer person thing… using those exact words I might add. On another note I have been recognized as a full-fledged deity by the organization.

The organization is a group of omnipotent deities from different worlds and timelines. Membership gives access to the armory, which is great for gods with the sole focus of making war. There is also the library; a collection of _all_ books/scrolls/tablets from every world that has ever existed organized A-Z by planet names then author name. The world literature I'm working on right now is _Er…Erque…_ something that sounds like that. I never was good at remembering boring things like names. In fact I only remember the deity's name because she stuck out in my mind; I call her Tia… moving on! They also give you a watch that almost never breaks, always will accurately tell time, and acts as a com-link. Actually the only people there to avoid are any gods from a Warhammer-esque place, everyone else is nice. Oh, it's nearly my turn wish me luck! I then hear a 'thunk' noise and pass out.

How the fuck did they knock me out! "Vell it zeemz you are avake." I hear an accented voice say. I open my eyes and say this. "Holy fuck, are you ugly!" The person that looks a lot like the good doctor looks offended. "You vould do well to hold your clever tongue, as I am the one who vill attend to you." He retorts. He cuffed me to my chair. He obviously hadn't known what I do to handcuffs. "You are here because you have smuggled several tons of illegal substances, killed various Blu officials…" I tune him out and unleash myself. I look to my right and see the rest of the team also awake glaring at the guy. I reattach the handcuffs to me and not the chair and ask at a break. "If I were to look for the kitchens were would it be?" He says to me. "At the end of ze hall." And continues doing what he was doing. I take the handcuffs off and set them down. Then I walk down the hall to the kitchen and grab the biggest crunchiest apple I could find. I go back and walk behind guy. I then imamate everything he does, to the humor of the team. Then I take a bite of the apple… loudly. The guy turns around and looks at me frightened. I summon a succubus and say to it. **"Entertain our friend here if you would."** She of course does just that. I uncuff everybody, and then we leave. "Luckily I already don't remember this." Of course Tavis says this. I nod my head because if I were to describe the process of a soul being stolen by succubus I would have to change the rating. "So, now what?" Sienna says. I did not think of that. I whisper. "**Devil eyes**." I look around for an exit and see one through the kitchen. "Over there, through the kitchen is a stair case." We walk in and see someone. It was my bow making coffee. "Why the fudge are you making coffee?" I ask quit angry that my bow was making coffee and not being helpful. "I thought you would like some sire." I can't argue with that and just take the coffee. "Well that's interesting…" The Engie says this. "What is?" I ask confused. He just points at the cup. I look at it; it says #1 tyrannical overlord. "At least he's honest." I hear someone I haven't heard since before I went to piracy. "Mundy… let's have dinner." I say, I knew what was going to happen afterwards might as well enjoy dinner one last time. Mundy agrees and we go to the dining room. I use my godly powers to give everyone formal attire, might as well abuse my powers for once. "Now Mundy order for us dinner and then I shall give you all good news and bad news." He orders a servant to get us dinner. The dinner is made up of pork items and to drink we have water. "Well bad news first. I am going to-." I start to say when my family walks in as well as this brown haired girl. "Oi I'm away for one year and my sister turns lesbian!" I already knew about this because it was a big thing for my sister to marry a woman. Her wife's called Emily. "Now then one of you will betray me and then I'll turn to stone until something REALLY big happens." I say in a rush so as to avoid being interrupted again. "Now then I'll use my godly powers to make you 9 immortal on earth but you will all die and be reborn at the time I come back. And you will be reborn near me and keep some of your memoires." I say. "Now eat of my body and drink of my jizz." I say and dig in. I everyone else eats as well.

After dinner I order everybody to stay in the kitchen to much complaint. I just go to the battlements and jump off the top. I walk to a cave in a forest in the mountains a few miles away to wait for the ambush. I change my form that of my evil side. It has had horns, a beard, and cloven hooves added to it. I sat and waited. Soon a small army of knights, several priests, and Ro arrived. "So Ro before you kill me, would you like to dance, without the suit?" I ask. Ro nods and waves the knights and priests off. I change the cave to a dance floor with a band playing The Devil's Dance Floor by Flogging Molly. I took Ro's suit while changing the cave. She was good looking, like could pass as a succubus good looking. "Well then are you ready for your last dance?" She asks sounding slightly sadly. I nod, and we dance like this is the going to end with a happy ending instead of my execution. As we finish the dance Ro breaks down. "Why won't you fight me after fighting for all the time I knew you!?" I chuckle and bring her face up to mine. "Now is not a time I will fight you because I already forgive you. Now, please, is there anything you would like me to do before you kill me?" I ask I got a heads up from God about this. He told me everything, including the fact she was in love with me. That one surprised me because I did not expect it. He also told Sienna because he's nice like that. We had plenty of time to work out if we were both okay with that, we were. We as a result decided that up to either of us having sex with her is okay… my girlfriend is awesome! "Can you kiss me?" she asks. I got to stop monologging for so long. I lean down and kiss her. "Yes, yes I can." I say. She smiles as she plunges my knives into my chest. I start turning to stone from that point and going outward. "I love you." She says as the stone goes to my face. I smile and make my final mark on the world. I put a plaque on my chest that reads 'No hard feelings.' on my chest and my world goes dark.


End file.
